Some good advice from Stephen Friedman

So having an hour conversation with Mr. Friedman... below were the only words spoken.
Not sure that this has anything to do with the fact that he is a little ocean boy and get as deep as the deepest part of the ocean.... but i guess it was meaningful and educational ......Enjoy

yesterday is history...tomorrow is a mystery...today is a gift

think outside the box...because thats when impossible becomes possible

The best things in life aren’t things.
Never judge the day by the weather.
Speak softly but wear a loud shirt.
Tell the truth because there’s less to remember.
Strive for excellence not perfection.
He who dies with the most toys still dies.
Impossible is nothing.
Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, and today is a gift.
No Rain No Rainbow
I watch the sunrise as often as I can.
I push oneself to the point of excellence, in what ever I do.
The only person that can make me happy is myself.
I go with the flow at the best of times, it’s about enjoying life, why rush...
Meet new people and hear there stories.
Take pictures, because each photo becomes a memory that doesn't get forgotten.
Life is about choices, you get to make

Listen to music; it’s the language of our sole

Day dream, that’s where you can set your mind free

Some of the 17 secrets of manhood:

There's a reason why men don't talk. "We don't want women to really know us, because then they'll find out how much we need them"

We all have a dark side. "Everybody, I think, has a dark side in them, so it's fun to explore that side. It's all about figuring out your opponent." -Josh Hartnett

Our biggest fear? Loneliness. "Guys see horror movies; girls see thrillers. Why? It's the smarter scare. Women are more refined. Men just want to see people hit eachother. We spend our whole lives trying to connect, and when we don't know how to or we fail, we feel physical pain -- it's loneliness. It's the fear that we'll be alone forever."

Three things guys wish women learned growing up: "I've seen women endure horrible relationships because of insecurities. Thats not what I want for my daughters, so here's what I will teach them: 1. You're love is precious. Don't give it to someone undeserving. 2. You can't rescue a man: he has to be happy on his own before you can be happy together. 3. And you're not Cinderella, so don't think you need a man to rescue you. -Laird Hamilton

We do communicate - just in our own way. "I know women sometimes think men aren't sensitive enough. You'll never hear girls saying to one another, "You've got a dumpy ass!" Whereas a guy will say to another guy "Dude, looks like you're gaining weight, huh?" But we'll just take it because we don't want to be seen as too sensitive. Guys will say that if you are not busting eachother's balls from time to time, something is wrong with you. We're not mean, just one of the ways we communicate. That, and things like seeing who can go to the bathroom faster." -Dane Cook

We look up to our happily coupled friends. "Women are confusing. So if I'm having girl problems, I'll talk to my friends who are married or in long-term relationships. They'll say "Try to see things from her side." Whereas my single friends are like, "You know what I think would help? We should take a roadtrip to Telluride!" The guys who are quick to say 'get out of that relationship,' are the single ones who have never been IN a serious relationship. They don't want to lose you as a wingman. Those are the guys that want you to go out, party, and chase girls."

If it's love, we go slow. "The few long-term relationships I've been in, I've taken things extremely slowly, to the point where my girlfriends all said, 'I was starting to think you weren't attracted to me.' Then I had to say, 'No, I was so happy to find someone that I get along with, I didn't want to screw it up!" -Luke Wilson

ABOUT GIRL...

When a GIRL is quiet ... millions of things are running in her mind. When a GIRL is not arguing ... she is thinking deeply. When a GIRL looks at u with eyes full of questions ... she is wondering how long you will be around. When a GIRL answers " I'm fine " after a few seconds ... she is not at all fine.

When a GIRL stares at you ... she is wondering why you are lying. When a GIRL lays on your chest ... she is wishing for you to be hers forever. When a GIRL wants to see you everyday... she wants to be pampered. When a GIRL says " I love you " ... she means it. When a GIRL says " I miss you " ... no one in this world can miss you more than that.

Life only comes around once make sure u spend it with the right person .... Find a guy ... who calls you beautiful instead of hot. who calls you back when you hang up on him. who will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Wait for the guy who ... kisses your forehead. Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats. Who holds your hand in front of his friends. Who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you. Who turns to his friends and says, " That's her!! "

Relationships.....life.... men

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
Stop making excuses for a man and his behaviour.
Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.
Slow is better
Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve, then no, you can't be "friends". A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.
Don't settle.
If you feel like he is stringing you along, he probably is. Don't stay because you think it will get better.
The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
Avoid men who have a bunch of children from a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?
Always have your own set of friends separate to his.
Maintain boundaries in how a man treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.
Never let a man know everything, he will use it against you later.
You cannot change a mans behaviour. Change comes from within.
Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are ... even if he has more education or a better job.
Don't make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
Never let a man define who you are.
Never borrow someone elses man.
If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
All men are NOT dogs.
You should not be the one doing all the bending ... compromise is a two way street.
You need time to heal between relationships ... there is nothing cute about baggage ... deal with your issues before persuing a new relationship.
You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you ... a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals ... look for someone complimentary ... not supplementary.
Dating is fun ... even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr Right.
Make him miss you sometimes ... when a man always knows where you are, and you are always available for him - he takes it for granted.
Never move into his mother's house. Never co-sign for a man.
Don't fully commit to man who doesn't give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar.
Scared of being alone is what makes alot of women stay in relationships that are abusive and hurtful: Dr Phil.
If he was attracted to you in the first place, just know that he's not the only one.
Take care of your own heart.

RISK

To laugh is to risk appearing a fool
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental
To reach out for another is to risk involvement
To expose your feelings is to risk exposing your true self
To place your ideal, your dreams before a crowd is to risk their loss
To love is to risk not being loved in return
To live is to risk dying
To hope is to risk despair
To try is to risk failure

Yet risks must be taken
Because the greatest hazard in life is risking NOTHING

The person who risks nothing
Does nothing
Has nothing
Is nothing

Self-realisation is harder than
Self Sacrifice

GOSSIPING

I read this interesting story about Gossip the other day:

A woman repeated a bit of gossip about a neighbor.

Within a few days the whole community knew the story. The person it concerned was deeply hurt and offended. Later the woman responsible for spreading the rumor learned that it was completely untrue. She was very sorry and went to a wise old sage to find out what she could do to repair the damage.

"Go to the marketplace," he said, "and purchase a chicken, and have it killed. Then on your way home, pluck its feathers and drop them one by one along the road." Although surprised by this advice, the woman did what she was told.

The next day the wise man said, "Now go and collect all those feathers you dropped yesterday and bring them back to me."

The woman followed the same road, but to her dismay, the wind had blown the feathers all away. After searching for hours, she returned with only three in her hand. "You see," said the old sage, "it's easy to drop them, but it's impossible to get them back. So it is with gossip. It doesn't take much to spread a rumor, but once you do, you can never completely undo the wrong."

So what is gossip and why are we so willing to participate in it?

It is a sad truth that people cannot love you for just you, that they are easily persuaded to believe anything, & enjoy participating in the story line of a good bit of gossip.

I think it is a matter of self love actually.

If you don't love yourself, how is it possible to love another human being for who they are?

So anything that people do affects you and threatens you.

There is a saying: "People talk about you and bring you down because they cannot be at the level you are, so they need to bring you down to their level"

I sit here saddened as I think of times when I have been shamed before the ones I love & those who are suppose to know my heart.

Yes, I have cried in secret & died inside to a level of joy & trust I once felt.

If I could change one thing in this world, it would be this...

It is true that some things are better left unsaid.

That you really do need to walk a mile in another mans shoes & that if you haven't got anything nice to say...don't say anything at all.

Soulmate

There's no such thing as the perfect soulmate.
If you meet someone and you think they perfect, you better run as fast as you can in the other direction cause your soul mate is the person that pushes all your buttons, pisses you off on a regular basis and makes you face your shit.
It's not easy having a good marriage, but you don't want easy.
Easy doesn't make you grow.
Easy doesn't make you think.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BEzbkGj7EaQ&feature=related

Our personal love affair with a fictional icon

Her name has become synonymous with style and the chic, single-girl lifestyle. She represents the new woman’s funny, sharp, likable everygirl. She’s Carrie Bradshaw, possibly one of the most influential fictional characters to ever influence a generation. Sex and the City played a huge role in revolutionizing the way America views single women; presenting the idea that we do not have to be programmed primarily to achieve the cookie-cutter life targets we’ve been told we should reach for so long (marriage, house, baby, etc). Instead, the bachelorette cherishes single life, independence and freedom. The major storylines in the show, however, do center on not whether or not the characters do in fact marry, have children, or even serious relationships, but how they do it–without losing their sense of self. Being single is not the key, a sense of self is, and Carrie Bradshaw leads the way.

Along with many other women around the world, I have always identified with Carrie. She’s all about opening your heart and your mind at the same time. She’s witty, she’s sharp, she’s sexy–but all in a very accessible, believable way. Mine and Carrie’s “storylines” have coincided as I have watched and re-watched the show and begun to experience my single life as a young woman. While I’m not near my thirties yet, I still feel the inevitable pull from older influences–and society in general–to “settle down,” whatever that means. For Carrie and I, marriage and “happily ever after” is not the be-all, end-all in life. And just like Carrie, I’m a career-focused girl but not necessarily as schooled or as driven as the other three women on the show.

I feel akin to Carrie in many ways. She smokes and drinks and has had a fair helping of casual dating and one-night-stands, but at the end of the day, she’s an old-fashioned girl. She believes in the One, she believes in romance, and most of all, she believes in love. She’s sentimental and reflective. All women are complex, but I relate to Carrie a lot in this way too–her needs and feelings are often conflicted and result in charged and sometimes difficult relationships with men. She’s had to know when to walk away, and it’s bittersweet; especially in her second breakup with Aidan, whom she truly loved and respected, but it just didn’t work, and she couldn’t be what he wanted her to be. It’s never easy to strike a balance. Not just anyone will do. Mischiko Kakutani accused Carrie of “disposing” of men when she reviewed her book in Season Five; I’ve had many of my older friends and colleagues say the same thing to me. But I digress: When searching for a soulmate, one can never be too picky. And so continues the endless search. Carrie was looking for love, real love. “Ridiculous, consuming, can’t live without each other love.” And she found it, as we all hoped and predicted–in Mr. Big.

It’s easy to make a sweeping judgment of the carefree single girl–Carrie and myself included–and throw out terms like “promiscuous” and the like. Aside from the ludicrous societal double-standard, I like to believe that I’ve maintained a moral compass. You can’t look back, you can only learn. Carrie is flawed. I am flawed. We trip over things, we can’t (don’t?) cook, have messy apartments and high credit card bills due to an unshakable shopping addiction. But she’s real–still fictional–but that’s what makes the show so amazing. The writers really, really made Carrie real and relatable to all of us. We can look at her and say: “I’m her.”